The Truth Will Set You Free – Part 4 of 20

ByMatthew

I recently read a post on Johnny B. Truant’s blog that really hit home. So much so that I wanted to do two things: share it with my readers and 2) think on and write about each piece of his post. The post is “20 Truths About Life No One Wants To Believe” and the fourth one I am going to tackle is:

4. Guilt and regret won’t make your problems go away.
There’s no point in dwelling on bad things that happened or that you did in the past. Most people feel that it’s their duty to dwell on guilt, as if they’ll somehow be a horrible person if they refuse to keep feeling guilty. It’s not true. What happened happened. Move on.

As I heard the Eagles say: get over it.

There are really only two* uses for the past: 1) To learn from it and 2) and use it to recall (fond) memories and feel gratitude.

Learning from the past means (first) looking at what you intended, what happened and how you performed relative your intention and expectation.

Next, you determine where you were deficient and if you were, does it matter (to you… )?

If you decide, “Yes, I really do want to create what I intended,” then look at what you can do to better prepare for next time.

That’s it. If it went poorly, and you want to create the result, then adjust your approach. If you didn’t achieve your goal, and it turns out that’s fine – then it’s over.

The other key use of the past is in consciously creating feelings of gratitude.

Study after study shows that cultivating feelings of gratitude is one of the most effective things you can do to increase happiness and well-being.

Practicing gratitude** helps ward off “hedonic adaptation” (HA) (which is, largely, a First World problem).

HA is where no matter how much we get what want, we tire of it after a relatively short period; constantly moving on to the next desire, thinking that once we get that, then things will be fine and we’ll be happy.

Being grateful teaches you to enjoy what you have. And, perhaps more importantly, gratitude allows you to want what you want more intelligently.

That’s what is missing in so many of our lives: we don’t know how to authentically and intelligently want.

Instead of carefully consulting ourselves and looking at who we are and what goals and aspirations really make sense, for us as individuals, we take our cues from those around us – and more perniciously, from the media and popular culture.

***

Do I need to sum up? (Really? Do I… ?)

Okay, fine, in the spirit of Mr. Truant:

  • learn to learn from your experiences
  • learn to to appreciate who you are and what you have in life

Oh yeah, and meditation helps with everything, and anything.

***

* There may be more, but this is what I going with here…

** My best suggestion right now to learn more about practicing gratitude is to check out the work of Robert Emmons at UC Davis.

 

Similar Posts

Without Courage

ByMatthew

Without courage, all other virtues lose their meaning. – Winston Churchill Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s acting anyway. Where are you afraid, where you could act anyway? Which of your fears are just excuses?

Where Fear Comes From

ByMatthew

Fear comes from the future, and discouragement comes from the past. Both obsessions are linear mistakes. – Steve Chandler The mistake we make with time is that we think it’s a linear progression, with a now and two “thens” (past and future) and all the points in-between. It’s not that. It’s just not. There is…

The Three Stages of Success

ByMatthew

I was recently thinking about the nature of “success.” Of course, it’s a process and a journey and not a “completion” or a destination, but how can we better understand the process, the journey of “success?” Well, I came up with three phases, each marked by three key ideas: Responsibility, Maturity and Wisdom. *  *…

The Vital Importance of Learning

ByMatthew

“Always desire to learn something useful.” – Sophocles Learning is vitally important these days. The willingness, and ability, to learn means we understand that the nature of things is change. That we cannot stand still if we want to useful, productive and happy. Learning though doesn’t need to be all about skills and competencies, it…

Want To Be Miserable?

ByMatthew

If you want to be miserable, get yourself a future. – Byron Katie There’s a difference between dreaming, goal-setting and planning for the future and being stuck there.* Which are you doing? How’s it going? ***** * Nothing happens in the future, only in the Now.