Category: Blog

A Master Key of Acievement

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. – Bill Cosby

Why?

Because you are going to “fail” along the way . . . .

But, of course, there’s nothing wrong with failure.

Failure is just a concept. It’s a word that we imbue with meaning, and each of us decides what it means.

Sometimes that decision was made long ago; perhaps by some outside entity: a parent, or school, or a friend or peer group, or even society/popular-culture.

Regardless of its genesis, and because we have our own definition, we can modify it if necessary.

Yes, you can change how you think about failure.

What if failure was just un-desired results? Or the information we receive when things go differently than planned? Or an alternate outcome that shows us how something else is created?

Yes, you must be inspired to create and achieve your goals; such is a vital component of getting and staying in action. But if you are so paralyzed by worry about what might go wrong, or that you are somehow less worthy or okay if things don’t according to plan than you’re never going to attempt anything. (Or at least anything worthy of your talents and gifts.)

Fear-of-failure is a limiting factor.

Inspiration to take action and create is an enabling factor.

Re-define Failure and see how much easier Inspiration comes.

Feel The Love Instead (of the fear)

Below is an e-mail message I received from a mentor of mine, Steve Chandler. I was inspired to add my take on his inspiring – and useful – message.

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Rather than being fearless, which as Steve outlines below, is a bit of an impossibility, why not be love-ful?

Sure, being “courageous” or “bold” or whatever adjective you prefer is an approach many have tried, but when you’re “love-ful” you bring an abundance of great feeling to the opportunity.

What if you found the over-flowing sense of love (and all senses of love are overflowing . . . ) you have for what you want to create? What if you focus on the amazing good that can come from a transformed situation?

When you come from a place of love you have an energy that absolutely dwarfs the coercion of “feeling-the-fear-and-doing-it-anyway.”

But what if you can’t find that feeling of love for some you “have” to do?”

Either get creative in how you create* the thing in your Reality or examine the “have to” of it.

Ask yourself, as Master Coach Rich Litvin does: “Is it a Hell Yeah! or a No?”

So, if it’s a “Hell Yeah!,” but you don’t know how to get started, take a second and search yourself for the love you have for the both process of the creation of it and how things will be different once it’s created. (It’s there . . . trust me.)

If it’s a “No.” then all you have to do is let it go.

The only thing in the way of letting go of something is the belief you have about why you have to keep it.

Ask yourself – your deep, true real Self – if the belief is true. The answer will set you free.**

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* We create every aspect of our Experience (or Reality, if that’s your preferred word).

** Byron Katie’s “The Work” is amazing in terms of examining beliefs and releasing the ones that are untrue/non-resourceful.

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Here’s something that helped me understand the nature of fearlessness. There is a fearless state that is simple joy-the joy of love, and the relaxation that is fearlessness.

To understand it better, let’s look at the concept of darkness. Darkness isn’t anything. Darkness is merely the absence of light, and when I bring light into the room there is no more darkness.

I didn’t have to overcome the darkness, I didn’t have to remove the darkness. Darkness is nothing at all. It’s the absence of light.

Well, fear is the same thing. Fear is the absence of love. So I don’t have to overcome the fear, battle the fear, be brave, and feel the fear and do it anyway. If enough love comes in, there is no more fear. Fear wasn’t anything to begin with but the absence of love.

It’s interesting that most people that I talk to or coach or work with or associate with have confusion about the word “fearless.” They think fearless means “brave” or “courageous” or “bold” or something like that; but it’s really important to see that it’s nothing like that.

In fact it’s not even similar to that.

Being fearless is absolute, relaxed, inner peace, relaxation, connection to the universe, happiness, deep happiness—not surface pleasure. And there’s no thought of fear. There’s no feeling of fear whatsoever. There’s no idea of fear.

The feeling is like “why would I be afraid of that?” That’s a fearless state.

There’s so many things we do throughout the day in a fearless way that we don’t even notice the fearlessness, but anything we feel real love about-when we are really loving a person, or we’re really loving an event or something-playing a song on the piano, or jogging, or running, or playing volleyball, or something we’re really loving that we do.

A lot of us have aspects of work that we just love and so we’re caught up in the present moment flow of it and there’s no fear at that time until we starting thinking of the future.

Al’s Lamp

We’ve all heard about Aladdin’s Lamp . . . you know, you rub the lamp and out comes a Genie who grants you three wishes.

I want to tell you about a similar lamp, but it’s Al’s. Yes, you still rub it, and a genie does come out, but 1) he’s dressed a bit more conservatively and 2) the wishes are different.

There’s still three wishes, but they’re not for anything you want.

Instead, you can wish for three things that you know you could be, do or have, given enough work/time/help/resources.

Also: part of the Genie’s power is to help you see to the depth of your Soul and tell the Truth about what you truly want to be, do or have.

So, what would you wish for?

If you knew what you truly wanted to be, do or have, what would you wish for?

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What’s stopping you from going for those things now?

How Extraordinary (Really) Works

People do not decide to become extraordinary. They decide to accomplish extraordinary things. – Sir Edmund Hilary

Extraordinary is not something you achieve, or arrive at, or can even purchase. It’s something that you become.

You become extraordinary by what you do.

Or is it?

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As Sir Edmund says, you do extraordinary things and thus join the ranks of the extraordinary.

Because you, or anyone for that matter, cannot become extraordinary. We’re all pure, whole, perfect beings.

Sometimes what we do is extraordinary.

Sometimes it’s not.

Regardless, we’re still human, and whole, and pure and perfect.

So stop trying to be extraordinary (if that’s what you’re seeking).

Look to accomplish extraordinary things.

And keep in mind that extraordinary really only means beyond the ordinary.

Sometimes doing something extraordinary is being kind when it’s unnecessary. Offering to help someone to whom you “owe” nothing. Perhaps, even, it’s forgiving yourself for not “measuring up” to some standard or expectation you set.

So, give up on the trying to be extraordinary. If anything, seek to serve, and help and relate in ways that are just beyond ordinary.

Yes, when you accomplish more and more “extraordinary” things you’ll no doubt be viewed as extraordinary.

But you’ll know that you’re just the same as everyone else, you’ve just stepped up and done some cool stuff.

The Power of Telling (Yourself) The Truth

Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Most people don’t think they lie to themselves. Or, if they acknowledge that they don’t always tell themselves the truth, they certainly don’t call it lying.

Yet, if you don’t keep promises, don’t do what you said you were going to do, if you don’t go for the things you really want and tell yourself (un-true) stories about your life, then you are lying to yourself.

Better to call it what it is than to suffer the dishonesty tax – something that applies internally as much as it does externally.

What is this “dishonesty tax” you ask?

We all understand that when we lie to others and get caught that there are consequences. Even if we don’t necessarily suffer pain or loss when we’re caught lying, there’s a cost.

There’s also a cost to us when we lie and don’t get caught. Either we have to develop the habit of ignoring the lying so we don’t notice it or we feel the dis-ease of being dis-honest – because we know.

The same is true for “internal” dishonesty.

Even if we’re so good at lying to ourselves that we hardly notice it, the cost still remains and must be paid.

Every lie has a consequence.

What’s the solution?

Do we all-of-a-sudden start doing everything we’ve always wanted to do?

No.

Such is impractical.

What do need to do is be clear and honest with ourselves. And gentle and non-judgmental.

The solution is to recognize that we’ve made choices and have commitments. That, because there’s only so many hours in a day, we can only do so much.

But there is much we can do. We can get clear about what we want and what the next-smallest-step is that we can take is. And take that step. And keep repeating that . . . .

What about things we’re already doing, that don’t fit or work anymore?

We can be honest with ourselves in saying, for example, “This is not something I want to do anymore; yes, I have a commitment here, but I am going to negotiate myself out of that commitment, with honor. And, I’ll be more careful about what I say ‘Yes’ to in the future.”

The up-side to all this honesty is that you’ll start to trust yourself more. And when you do that, you’ll think and act bigger about who you are and what you want.

That’s when things get really fun.