Not forgiving is sometimes a function of not trusting our ability to be strong and whole in the face of the thing or person we have forgiven.
We are glad (eventually) for the realization that someone, or something, has harmed us and we want to be vigilant against future injury, or error. So we remain watchful, and wary. To forgive and not have transcended the “issue” leaves us open to future hurt, or mistakes (if we’re the “problem”).
What to do? Identify the personal growth area (the vulnerability . . . ) and solve it. By growing beyond the reality that lead to the problem we evolve ourselves to a place where forgiveness is possible (or, in some cases, irrelevant).
If you can’t forgive somebody, or something, decide who you would be if you could forgive — if you were so strong, or wise, or above-it, that forgiveness would be trivial. Identify the gaps between that person and who you are now and grow yourself to that person.
When you get there, you’ll both be able to forgive — if you want to — but also have the benefit of the growth you’ve accomplished. Either way, you’re better off.
“There is no such thing as a minor lapse of integrity.” – Tom Peters
A mentor of mine once said that how you do one thing is how you do everything. While I don’t buy into that notion completely (only 99.999%), I do use the idea as a guiding principle — and it informs my thinking, especially when I am reflecting on a success or a failure.
What’s salient here is that when you don’t think a minor slip or compromise matters, it (almost always) does.
Use this idea as a check on those times when you hear that voice in the back-of-your-mind asking you if you should put forth little bit more effort, or be a bit more honest with yourself about something.
If you think you should do something, do it. If you think you shouldn’t, don’t. If you think something probably doesn’t matter, really — it does.
[This is a continuation of this post.]
(I apologize, I wanted to make you wait a bit before giving you the “news.”)
The good news is that you can manage yourself and your priorities, and more specifically, your energy.
This is very good news indeed. In fact, with intention and practice (of rituals) you can increase both the quantity and quality of your energy.
I will be writing about this more in the weeks to come, but if you can’t wait, get this book and read it (more than once . . . ) — and practice applying its lessons and wisdom.
I’ll give you the bad news first, so you can get the good news last.
The bad news is that you cannot manage time. To the extent that time is even real (it’s a construction of humans . . . ), it is immutable. Your perception of time can change, but you can’t control it, or even manage it.
[This post continues on this page.]
“Our greatest enemies, the ones we must fight most often, are within.” – Thomas Paine
And the enemy’s greatest ally are the lies we tell ourselves. When we keep our promises, to ourselves, the internal battle fades to nothing.