Category: Blog

The Truth Will Set You Free – Part 5 of 20

I recently read a post on Johnny B. Truant’s blog that really hit home. So much so that I wanted to do two things: share it with my readers and 2) think on and write about each piece of his post. The post is “20 Truths About Life No One Wants To Believe” and the fifth one I am going to tackle is:

5. Bitching won’t make your problems go away.
This one is hilarious to see in action. Why does your father always complain about his crappy car? Why does your neighbor complain about the government and taxes? Bitching and complaining does nothing. Action does something, but bitching is not action. Bitching is bitching. Yet people do it fervently, as if they think that bitching enough will, by itself, solve the problem.

I share Johnny’s astonishment that people will whine, moan, complain and bitch about their lives.

The simple fact is that these people are abdicating responsibility for their lives.

They are giving their power away: to people, circumstances and trends – to things outside themselves.

And there’s no quicker way to create feelings of powerlessness, frustration, and at times, anger than to complain.

(And what happens, when people feel like that? What do they do? They whine, moan, complain and bitch – and they feel the same or worse… it’s a downward spiral.)

The precursor to taking action is taking responsibility.

When you take a sober, judgement-free, view of your life and acknowledge that you either had some role in creating things – or realize that you’re putting up with them out if laziness or a desire for the familiar – you can begin to change things.

That’s when you can begin to truly own your life – and, if you want, to stop bitching and get on with creating your life.

The Coach-Approach and Changing Habits

I was recently asked “What does coaching have to say about dealing with emotional responses when trying to transition away from old habits?”

Below (while I realize now it doesn’t really answer the question fully/directly) is what I wrote in response.

Whether or not it’s a complete or elegant answer to the original question, I think it’s useful to consider:

***

First and foremost, “coaching” would ask, not “say” 😉

But to answer your question, more usefully, I hope, let me say that looking at habits and the difficulty of change, through a coaching “lens” would be about some of the “come-froms” (CFs) of coaching. And questions (Q). Lots and lots of questions.

Stuff like:

CF: You are whole, complete and capable.
Q: What’s getting in the way of that here?

CF: The perfect solution, for you, in this particular situation, exists.
Q: If you knew what it was, what would it look like?

CF: Deep-down, you know what the right path is for you.
Q: What are you choosing instead?

CF: Everything we do serves us, in some way (whether it’s really good for us or not).
Q: What is the “utility” for you in continuing as you are?
Q: What small change, in the direction of what you truly want, do you think would be possible/manageaable?

Habits are an interesting thing. That they are hard to change is both wonderful, and frustrating. Wonderful when they are good, resourceful habits. Not-so-wonderful when a habit doesn’t support the life we truly want.

I would say a key to making a change, in regards to a “bad” habit, is:

1) get really, really clear on what you want to create instead – and why;

2) start small in regards to making the change, maybe only changing part of the routine; and

3) track your progress (at least daily, likely you’re better off “checking-in-with-yourself” multiple times every day) and know how you’re going to celebrate when you’re done – and celebrate whatever progress you’ve made (sometimes it’s enough just to have “tackled” the issue, and you may need to “try again,” more intelligently).

Another way to approach the “solving-of-the-issue” is to look at what belief is creating the situation in the first place and adopting a new, resourceful belief. Often times, a “foundational” belief is out-of-date and in-accurate – updating it, authentically and intelligently, will transform the situation.

I hope that helps get your thinking stimulated. Feel free to ask follow-up questions.

Be True to the Truth

“We are always complaining that our days are few, and acting as though there would be no end to them.” – Seneca

I know that the title of this post is, at best, tortured language.

I wanted to get your attention and draw your attention to the Truth that we all will die.

Let me repeat that: we all will die.

So let’s live now, while we’re alive.

Why Emotions Matter So Much

I was just thinking about an exercise I could do with clients where we take a client goal, close our eyes and vividly imagine what it will be like when the goal is achieved.

We would stir up positive, constructive, emotions  and actually experience the feelings that would accompany the new reality (that would exist once the goal was attained).

We would then talk about “how-things-are” now that the goal is reality, and in such a way that we wouldn’t really be sure if the goal was achieved already or not. Almost like a positive, useful and benign fooling of one’s self.

The reason why an exercise like this would be so valuable is because emotions are the fuel of everything. Without emotions, we wouldn’t really do anything (of course, involuntary functions, would continue, but I’m not talking about those sorts of things… ).

***

Imagine a car. There are many parts to the car, and they are all vital to the car’s functioning. But a critical bit is fuel.

The gas in the gas tank.

Without gas in the tank nothing happens.

Emotions are our gas.

Fuel your tank.